Short & Silly - 04/03

Sibling Differences

My sister, Lee, was completely different from the rest of the family. She was wild yet compassionate, spontaneous yet strong, and innocent in some ways yet vicious in others.

One day she came to me begging me to take her to Woodstock. "Please, please please. I have no one to go with me. Wayne can't go and I never went that far away with anyone but him. It is going to be great... did you see the lineup of bands?"

"No. Not after what happened at the last concert we went to," I replied.

This sweet, innocent look washed over her face. "What do you mean? Poison and Warrant were incredible!"

Annoyance and anger now flooded me. "THEY were good, you were a nut! Don't you remember? You got high with the guys seated behind us, then jumped the railing on the second level and proceeded to shimmy down the rafters?"  She was silent as I continued my rant, "I had to grab you by the waistband and pull you back over the railing. You kicked and screamed while some stranger held onto me! You could have been killed.  All you kept screaming was 'I want to meet Brett!'"

Something clicked in her head, "Ohhhhh, now I remember. Wow.. that concert was better than I thought."  I just shook my head. "Come on, please... you are the best sister in the world," she begged.

"Lee, I don't care about who is playing, I can watch them on television. I am not peeing in a field for three days with a bunch of crazy, drunken junkies dancing around and puking on me. It's going to be 95 degrees with 100% humidity, and they are probably going to charge $10 for a freaking bottle of water."

Stomping her foot, Lee responded, "But this is a once in a lifetime experience! It will never happen again!"


I had to keep reminding myself that this woman was 11 years older than me. "Yeah, that is what the baby boomers said in the 60's, but they are still alive. It will happen again in our lifetime, and even then, I will not be the one taking you."


She left.  A few hours later she called me, "Hi. Can I ask you a question?"


"No, I will never change my mind."


She got quiet, then said, "No, not that. I want to know something. Is it legal for work to fire me then make me sign a contract that I will never again work for another store in their chain for the rest of my life? Can they do that?"


My hand slid to my forehead in disbelief. Only my sister could get banned from employment forever. "Lee, I honestly do not know if it is legal. But, in my honest opinion, I don't think you should sign it. Just walk out, then apply again next year. The best way to get back at them is to make them suffer through supervising you all over again."


Her response, "Yeah! Cool.. that is what I thought!" 

Check out free chapters of my Book