Short & Silly 04/06/2015

4/6/2015

School's Out for Summer! - Alice Cooper

My sister, Lee, was an incredible person. Yet, from a young age she did whatever she wanted and feared no one. Her anthem was Alice Cooper's "School's Out'. The record player--- yes, a phonograph that most of you never even seen--- blasted any sort of anti-authority music. My poor mother. Lee's hatred for school was second only to her ingenuity of getting out of it.

This was a typical school day involving Lee:

Mom: "Everybody ready? Grab your lunches, let's go!"
Lee: "No, I can't find my left shoe."
Mom: "Then wear a different pair."
Lee: "I don't have both shoes of ANY pair."
Mom: "Then wear one white shoe and one black shoe. We don't have time for this."
Lee: "No Mom, you don't understand. ALL of my left shoes are missing. I can't go to school cause I can't find a complete pair of shoes."
Mom: "Then where one of your sisters' pair."
Lee: "I can't. I wear a 5 1/2 and they wear 8s and 10s."
Mom: "I give up."
Lee: "YES! I'm going back to bed."

I remember her senior year better than she did. She took some sort of secretarial type of class. At the beginning of the year she was given a packet to complete by the end of the year. That packet was to be her 4th marking period grade.

Typing, Steno, Shorthand, Tables, Spreadsheets... these are all life skills that could have been real assets. Three days before the end of the school year:

Lee: "Mom, would you be mad if I don't graduate?"
Mom: "And you bring this up now, WHY????"
Lee: "My teacher in office class said if I don't turn in my assignment in 3 days, I won't graduate."
Mom: "Then turn in the assignment."
Lee; "It's a lot to do." She pulls out a 3 inch thick packet.
Mom: "When the hell were you given this assignment?"
Lee: "September."
Mom: "It's freaking JUNE!"
Lee: "Yeah, I know. And if it isn't done in three days, I have to take it again in September."
Mom: "Oh my god! I can't believe I survived you in high school the first time. No way can I take another year of this." She grabbed the packet, pulled out her electric typewriter and pounded away at the keys.

Three days later:

Mom: "Did you turn that in?"
Lee: "Yeah! I can graduate!"
Mom: "What did your teacher say?"
Lee: "She said I passed." She held up the packet that had a note, "Your mother gets an A-- you get a D. Happy Graduation"

To this day, my mother believes the teacher took pity on her...not on Lee, but on my mother.