Snips and Snails & Puppy Dog Tails
As I have said before, I was one of five siblings growing up in a 2 1/2 bedroom home with a bathroom the size of a closet. Seriously, two people could not stand shoulder to shoulder. So just imagine what it was like for three teenage girls to squeeze into that small space, trying to curl their hair and do their make-up on "date night". Elbows would jab and claws would come out during a bunch of yelling.
Enter my brother who had been potty trained for quite some time, yet was just getting accustomed to using the "big people's potty". I guess he was still learning the difference between #1 and #2 when he sat down on the toilet but shot a stream of urine like a fountain all over the girls. The three of them screamed and tried to escape, but got wedged in the room and took a while to get out. "Mom, why did you have to have a boy?" they shouted. After that incident a huge mirror was put up in our dining room with extension cords to run to the hair dryers and curling irons.
A few years later, when my mom wanted to entertain us, she would give us a bowl and a spoon and say, "Go dig in the dirt." Even though video games were becoming popular, the Atari 2600 was monopolized by the older girls. What Mom should have said was, "Play in the dirt and keep it outside," but.... she didn't.
So one day my brother proudly brought the bowl filled with dirt into the living room and shouted, "Look! I got worms!" By this stage in our development, our mom made us count everything... cars driving by, telephone poles, coins on the tables. I'm not sure to this day if it was supposed to be a learning experience or something to keep us entertained and prevent fighting. Either way, her technique backfired on her on this particular day.
She asked, "How many worms did you catch?"
He responded, "I don't know. Help me count them." Then he dumped the bowl onto the floor. Now some moms would have screamed and flipped out. By this time, Mom had 5 kids and was already crazy-- and ready for everything. She pulled out the Kirby vacuum and said, "Let's count. One," sucked it up. "Two," sucked one up. "Three," sucked it up. You get the picture.
This was not the last time my brother brought the area's wildlife into our home, however. We lived on a creek with woods and streams all around. The kids in the neighborhood would often catch frogs, salamanders, and fish. One day my mom told my brother to come inside and play, so he carried in his new "froggy friends" inside as well. Instead of throwing the frogs out of the house, my mother told him to play with them in the bathtub. Gross, I know. But she intended to bleach it later. The boy with the frogs was happy and the girls were playing their stereo and talking on the phone. Peace roamed throughout the home. Not quiet, mind you, but no fighting which was as much peace as you get with 5 kids and a crazy dog.
About a week later, my sister was taking a shower and started screaming at the top of her lungs. My mother instinctively jumped in the shower to protect her from the scolding hot water and pushed her toward the back of the shower. Then mom realized, "What is wrong with you? This water isn't even hot?" (Whatever made her think there would be hot water is beyond me. It took me 14 years to be able to get luke-warm water with all those people in that house).
My sister was screaming and crying, "There's something in here! There's something in here!"
Mom looked around and jumping up from the soapy water, "Ribbit, ribbit," was one of the frogs. So there was of course more screaming throughout the house about having one boy in a house full of girls. No one stopped to think that the poor frog's eyes might be stinging from the soapy water!
Flash forward a little more to my 9th birthday party. A pipe broke under the tub and a plumber came out to inspect. While he was under there, he held up a frog with it's hands and legs stretched out in all directions. "Ma'am, I found one of your kids' toys under here."
"Oh, no. That's not a toy. I think that is a real frog that got petrified. Hmm, never saw anything like that before."
Gee, it's no wonder what terrified that frog so much into being literally scared to death. A house full of my family would do that to anything!
Hope you enjoyed today's Short & Silly - If you like them, please feel free to comment below about your own "short & silly" tales. And consider sharing my link with your friends. Have a great day!