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The Check is in the Mail
I've discussed in the past my mother's inability to find most geographic locations. If you missed those posts, please check them out. This is one story I absolutely adore:
Our family started kids reading at an early age. We visited bookstores and libraries frequently, it was a family thing. My mother took her three grandsons to the library for their routine visit, but ran into a problem when trying to return the books.
The problem? She couldn't find the library. In a town that she lived for 40 years, where five of her kids used that library for research and school projects (you know, back in the stone age before the internet when we actually used encyclopedias and dictionaries). I'm serious.. stop laughing.
Our phone call went like this:
Mom: Rhoda, where's the library?
Me: The library? Our town's library? The one you have been taking me to the whole of my life... that one?
Mom: Yeah, that one. Where is it? I can't find it.
Me: Uh, Mom. It is a big brick building with windows and is still in the same place it has been for decades. What is confusing you about this?
Mom: Well they are doing construction on Interstate 295. I usually cross under the highway, but they forced me to go onto it. So I got on the ramp, and when i got off, I made a right and went in a big circle. I started over again, and did the same thing. I can't find the library.
All she had to do was make a LEFT at the bottom of the ramp to cross under the highway and the library would have been in front of her. But no.... not my mom. I explained this to her three times and even emailed her a picture of it. Didn't help.
She called me back an hour later....
Mom: I called the library and told them I can't find them again. I'm sending them a check for $25 and keeping the books.
This is true people.. I couldn't make this up if I tried, and as an author, I can come up with some weird twisted stuff!
Okay... maybe that was a tough scenario for her. So let's try something a little easier........
As some of you know, I've worked for the USPS since the late 1990's. My mother has worked in the same building since 1980. She retired about five years ago, but still... you would think she would know how to find the building. You would think.
A few months ago, I lost my car keys inside the building--- a huge warehouse of a building with 1000 employees. When you lose something there, it stays lost. It could be in the mail, could be in the trash... wherever. I did lose an ID badge in the mail once, and it went from NJ to Alaska. The employees there sent it back to me with a note saying, "Hi, from your friends in the great AK." Somehow the folks in Alaska could find my building, but my mother couldn't.
I called her up and asked her for a ride home where I had a spare set of keys. It's a 15 minute drive, so not exactly out of the way. Two and half hours later, she still did not show up and was not answering her house nor her cell phone.
Great. Now it's 2am and anyone who could have given me a ride already left for the night. I'd have to wait until 5am for the next shift to end. Miraculously, someone walks up carrying my car keys. I drove to my mom's hoping she is okay.
No car there.
I drove back to work the way she would normally go. Don't see her.
I drove around the other roads she could have taken, afraid she got a flat or something.
At 5am, she pulls into the driveway at work.
Me: What happened? Are you okay?
Mom: I swear they moved the building. The roads look different at night.
Me: Mom, you worked the overnight shift back then. It looks the same.
Mom: No, it's different.
Thank God I never had any life threatening illness as a child, I'd be dead. Not only would she not be able to find the hospital.... she wouldn't have been able to find the phone to call 911.
(And yes, she knows I'm writing this stuff on the blog... and she laughs because she knows it's all true. lol)
Hope you enjoyed this post of "Short & Silly". Please comment with your silly family situations and share the blog link with your friends.
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