You Dropped a Bomb on Me

Short & Silly: 04/20/2015

Before I can get to Lee's funeral, I have to explain Lee's relationship with "Mike", I'll call him. They started dating when Lee was 17 years old, and when she was 21 he bought a house in his name. A week later, he fell 80 feet down the hull of a ship while working as a longshoremen. He was in a coma for a long time, and his witch of a mother responded, "Pull the plug, I'm too young to take care of an invalid."

At 21 Lee became nurse, caregiver, rehab aide and much, much more. Mike was in traction, a "Halo", and a rehab center for quite some time. They said he would never walk again... but they did not know my sister. She was relentless and wouldn't give up. I remember him lying in the hospital and she was drinking a milkshake. He still hadn't spoken. His eyes moved all around, but she told him, "You ain't getting none unless you say it. If you want it, you gotta say it." Thus, his first word was milkshake. I was there at 10 years old. 

Even passing gas was funny to her. The doctors told her he needed to move his bowels or they might never function properly. When he would pass gas, she would dance around the room singing, "You Dropped a Bomb on Me" by The Gap Band. Here was her boyfriend of four or five years---many people would have left. His own mother left. But she sat by his side day and night.  She didn't drive at the time, so my mother was driving her back and forth between NJ to Philadelphia every morning and night--- before and after work and dealing with younger kids. So my mother needs to be commended here as well.

Mike eventually walked again, he even drove and rode the Harley. He could not grasp with the right hand, so the controls were moved to the left side. He couldn't write, so he handled all the paperwork. He'd never be able to have kids. Lee always said she would never marry, but she must have felt old when she hit 30. The day after her 30th birthday, they got married. By this time they'd been together for 13 years. They lasted another 7 years before chaos erupted. At 37, the marriage counselors told her, "Move back in together, but get divorced. You belong together, you just can't be married. That piece of paper makes a big difference in your dynamic." (Come on... how many times have you heard that?).

The divorce got ugly--much uglier than it should have for a guy who owed his entire life to her. I think that is my major problem with him. They had extremely good times and extremely bad times. But somehow he always felt he had the right to control her. He hit her in the head with his cane once, so she picked him and body slammed him, breaking his leg on the microwave. Now keep in mind, she was tiny, but had put him in and out of the tub bathing him for years. She had the strength. Then she called my mom, "Oh my god. oh my god. I just hurt him bad and I called 911 but the cops want to arrest me." That was their relationship though. Extreme, both good and bad.

So they got divorced, and although they always fought, they remained living together. Until "John" entered the picture. Now this gets really funny too... John was married with five kids, and his wife and Lee were friends--- and I mean, they remained friends while Lee & John moved in together. Lee watched the kids from time to time. It was a crazy situation. John was not the volatile personality that Mike and Lee were, so he didn't like the screaming and fighting. Lee wound up in an apartment where Mike paid the utilities and bought the groceries, and John paid for her rent, car insurance and more.  I wish I could get some guys to do that for me. I often joked that neither guy wanted her, so they paid to keep her away. I once refused to bail her out of jail because I was just plain tired of it. Who bailed her out? Not her ex hubby cause he was the one who put her there. Not her boyfriend, cause he was the one she got arrested with.  Her boyfriend's wife bailed her out!!!  I'm serious. I couldn't make this up if I tried--and I write some twisted novels!

She eventually moved back in with Mike, and while living with him, he was still paying her $700 a month in alimony--- which in my opinion was nothing compared to the life she gave him. She got no marital assets in the divorce because the house, cars, everything was in his name before they married.

When she died at 47 years old at 4 in the morning on Mike's living room couch. The bastard saw her seizing and went to bed instead of calling 911. He "came back to check on her a half hour later, but she was dead."  Then he expected sympathy. Jerk....

The funeral was funny though :)  It was done the way she would have wanted.